Do you realize what you have?

I was thinking one night, started writing, and this is what popped out. I think you should all take some time to appreciate what you have (have had), and by doing so, you can benefit from my story. It's chopped up and all over the place, but whatever. I learned something about myself by writing it, i hope you can take advantage of that as well.

Have you ever wanted something, more than anything you could have ever thought. I want something. The first of it’s kind in my world. It seems to be the most difficult to achieve, yet possibly most rewarding thing possible. I want a best friend. Not any best friend, someone I can share my life with, trust with all of my mind and body, someone who can share and trust me with the same (and not a dude).

I want to love and be loved. Seems like an easy thing to ask, but a much more arduous task to achieve. That is an experience I have yet to have felt, and one which I wish I will feel. I have been able to find a rare temporary release, the nice terminology for a lay, and that has been it. Been saying this next statement a lot lately, but only recently have I realized that I am maturing, and by that I mean the rare booty call is not my thing and does not satisfy my want for something more, in actuality, it never has.. Could it be that I need to be loved. Could that sound any more sappy? Probably not. I have never felt loved. That sappy statement is just a perspective.

"My Morning After Thoughts"

Why do I feel like a big pile of shit?
Shouldn’t I be happy that I was able to have some company, able to have sex?
Should I feel like I used the other?
or Should I feel used.

There has to be more to it than this.
I hope there is more to it than this.

Better to have loved and lost than have not loved at all. This is true, except to me. Am I looking for the perfect one? I shouldn’t be, life’s not perfect. But I am afraid to lose. I am afraid to put my emotions on the line without knowing the outcome is a favorable one. Reason for that is I have listened my whole life, and that has taken a lot out of me.

Why, everyone listens.

Great point!

Most of what I hear about relationships is the negative side of things, it puts you off the topic. I have heard a lot, and hear a lot about people’s hardships in relations, actually 95% of people complain when talking about relationships. That’s mostly what I hear. The occasional few have made some comments on the good things that go on, not too often you hear that though. So for one who hasn’t really experienced that much if anything in the field of relationships, I sure know what not to do, but I’m afraid to take the step and learn for myself. Who would want to? If most of what I hear is bad things, why would I put myself in a position to only deal with bad things (IE relationships).

It’s about the chase.

People want what they can’t have, and when they have it, it takes the spark out.

Famous words from someone who wrote them. Is it true? Sure. Take kids for example. If you run away from them, sometimes they chase you. Thing with kids is that they have endless energy, so when they do take bait and start to chase you, they’ll chase and chase up until you stop running and stand there, they get bored with you and move on to something else stimulating. I’ve been told by a person that is all they look for. The chase. They will go after the most agile of prey, and won’t stop until they get what they want, then leave the bones to dry in the noon day sun. So after feasting, who wants old meat sitting on old bones. It’s a dead topic. I find myself in this category on occasion. I’ll chase and chase, push and do everything in my power to persuade that I am the right one for the job. But when push comes to shove, where words turn into action, I stop and look for the fork in the road. Empty relationship, or possible love. It has never been the latter as of yet. Maybe those are just words from a pessimist. Maybe those are your words coming out of my mouth. Why am I so scared to take a chance? Tell you what, if you are in a relationship, or have been in the past, you are already a professional in the field.

I need help, plain and simple.

Here’s where I put a general comment out. If you have problems with your relationship, sure it’s okay to have a bitch session every once in a while. But don’t draw out what is probably a good thing. He’s ignoring me, she’s always flirting with other guys. Then talk it out with them. Unless your significant other is a total bitch/prick, either dump them, or appreciate what they have contributed to your life (bad and good, you still learn and gain from both). Been going out less than a month? 3 months? 10 years? There must be a reason you are still with them.

Take some time to recognize that.
Otherwise, here's the guilt trip.
Every time you talk about your relationship in a bad way, that takes a bit of relationship hope out of me or the next person who hears your sob story. Just remember there’s always someone worse off than you.

If trend continues, I will die old and lonely while I help mend other people’s love life with no personal gain (benefit to my well being).

Is that selfish of me to say?
No, that’s my reality, and it’s time I finally take notice of it.

Moral of this, if you complain about your relationship...

Guys: I’m going to have sex with your girlfriend.
(Ralf you are the only exception to this rule cause that's just wrong)

Girls: I’m going to have sex with you.
The 30 seconds it will take me, will make you appreciate your boyfriend I’m sure.